A new drink!
by DangerDartz
Summary: The title says it all! Alice makes a new drink for the role holders! Why? Because she is sick of tea, that's why! -complete crack fic, its a two shot.-


Hey, Candy here! This is my first fic for this fandom, and because Im having writers block, this fic is nothing but pure crack! This is gonna be a two-shot, then it will be over. I hope you enjoy it, and tell me if you thought is was funny or not, and I'll try harder for the last chapter.

XXX

Alice was sitting contently in the rose garden, at the castle of hearts waiting for her majesty the queen.

"Ah, Alice...We're so glad you made it."

"Vivaldi! I'm happy to see you too!"

The queen sat upon cushioned seat, on the opposite end from the foreigner.

"Tell us Alice, how have you been?"

"I've been fine, you?"

"peachy."

Just then, a faceless servant approached the two lady's and announced that 'The tea is served.'

"Thank you. You may go now."

They drank it it in silence. Alice only sipped once at the fragile tea cup and set it down.

"Isn't there any thing else to drink besides tea?"

"Excuses us?"

Alice gasped, not realizing she had spoken out loud.

"I-i mean... all there is to really drink is tea, water, coffee, and milk. Isn't there some other kind of beverage?'

There was a pregnant pause before Vivaldi spoke again.

"As far as we know, there is no other sort of drink available."

Again more silence.

"Then I shall invent a new one!"

**XXX**

The next day was sunny and wonderful! Alice dressed her self and headed down stairs to make coffee for the mortician.

"Today is the day! I shall invent a new drink, and it will be as amazing as sliced bread!"

She handed Julius his cup and headed back to the kitchen. Now, Alice can barely make coffee so how well do you think she would fair trying to make a new type of drink? She threw a ounce of cream in a pot, a glass of water, the glass that held the water, 23 tea spoons of corn syrup, a spec of sugar, a jar of salt, some phosphoric acid, and a banana.

"This is it! I have created a new drink!"

She shouted triumphantly. she began to dance around doing a happy dance when Julius walked in.

"What are you doing?"

"Um...I was dancing."

"Why?"

"because I can!"

"..."

He raised a brow at her and handed her a empty mug.

"I finished it, I say it's a 78 today."

"78! No way!"

"Yes...way. I want some more pleas, I'm returning to my study."

He departed leaving Alice in her thoughts, which is dangerous of course.

"78...how dare he! he's such a emo jerk, I'll show him!'

with the look of a maniac Alice poured some of her newest concoction into the mug. it had a odd green glow to it, but that detail didn't faze her. she went to the study and handed Julius the mug.

"Here 'ya go."

"Tha-...what is this?"

"It's a new brand of coffee I thought you'd like to try."

"Oh...you do know it's glowing."

"No it's not."

"If you think so."

regardless he drank the liquid and didn't say another word. why? because he fell to the ground chocking!

"ZOMFG! I KILLED JULIUS! I'M SOOO SORRY FOR AL THOSE TIMES I SAID YOU WHERE A EMO! DON'T DIE!"

His body shuddered, his eyes bulged, his handed twitched! Yup Julius was dieing. or was he? All of the sudden he fell to the ground, all his previous spasms stopped. it looked as if Julius was really dead. ok no he wasn't.

"I FEEL SO AMAZING!"

"Wha?"

He lept from the grounded a bright smile on his face, his voice full of pep; he was a new man.

"Are you ok Julius...you seem...happy."

"Why dear Alice would you ask me such a question? I'm all ways happy."

"Uh no your not. sorry but no."

"Alice...don't hurt my feeling. you know im senstive."

as on cue small trickiling tears ran down his face.

"Wow...I'm scared. Um...I'm gonna go...visit Peter now."

"But I thought you where gonna go flower picking with me in the fields of sparkly unicorn atopia."

before any thing else could be said Alice fled the tower to the amazing out doors.

XXX

Some miles away, Ace was walking thru the forest lost as usual. that is until he is found.

"Ace, thank god I found you I need help! Julius cracked!"

"crack...aw man, he spent eight months in rehab in high school getting over that stuff"

"Noooo, not the drug, I mean he lost his marbles."

"LOST HIS MARBLES!"

"Yes."

"that is serious. do you know how much I spent on that marble and jacks kit!"

Stunned silence.

"...are you retarded?"

"Who's to say, but if Julius lost his marbles cant we buy him new ones?"

"OK maybe you'll understand if you see him for your self. come with me."

Ace fallowed Alice back to the clock tower, humming a off beat tune. Alice, tried not to punch Ace.

"Are you sure we're walking in the right direction?'

"Yes Ace. I'm not directionally challenged like you."

"I am not!"

"yes, yes you are."

"You cant prove it!"

"Look we're here."

"Oh...look Alice I found the clock tower."

She sweat dropped and walked inside.

XXX

The interior design of the clock tower had changed miraculously in the half hour Alice had been gone. The cold stone walls where now painted pink with sky blue trimming, potted plants litterd the flower, and the thing the stood out the most was Julius...and his new wardrobe change.

"HOLY SHIZ BATMAN! HE IS ON CRACK AGAIN!"

"See what I mean! he's-"

"Alice, Ace how lovely you it is to see you two. Pleas do take a seat, stay a while."

Julius, the once very depressed looking man, was now draped in a bright yellow polo shirt, with equally matching yellow khaki pants, knee high sox, and...a hair cut!

"Julius, don't you remember the hard time you went thru trying to break this habit, don't start again man."

"Oh silly Ace-kun, crack and heroine is for partys, Im just sooo happy and overjoyed! And it's all thanks to Alice and her new magic juice."

"Magic juice...whats juice?"

"Here want a sip?"

From the invisible air around him Julius pulled out the largecontainer of glowing green...something. Ace cautiously took it from him and stared at it.

"Julius, where the heck did that come from!"

"I made some more from the recipe you made."

"what recipe?"

She uttered to her self. As Alice thought about this, Ace sipped the concoction, and once again another transformation took place. Sparkling red sparkly from some place unspecified fell from the heavens and in cased the knight for one straight minuet. Once that was done, Ace reappeared from under the glitter now thick rimmed glasses., a white dress shirt with a pocket protector, holding a few pens in it.

"Greetings."

"ARE YOU KIDDING ME! you seriously are retarded Ace!"

"Retarded is for those who have a birth defect or are incapable of mental stabilizability, I am plenty capable of thought thank you."

"Really? God, who else can I get to help me with this dramatic dilemma?"

She paced up and down the room completely ignoring the new Ace before her. What is a girl to do!

XXX

The cheshire cat was spending time in his room dancing to his most favorite song.

"IM BRINING SEXY BACK!"

he shouted as he sang along. Yes Justin Timberlake was a very talented hermaphrodite in his opinion, just like lady gaga. He swayed his hips in time with the song and pranced around gayly. untill his nose caught a scent.

"This smells like...wait what? Alice created a new drink, Julius and Ace are totally different people, and Blood thinks he's Adam West? OH NOEZ! I MUST SAVE DE DAY!"

Yes, even cats have the old fashion 'whats that lassie, Timmy's stuck in a well' syndrome. why? because it works for this fic.

XXX

Alice was at her wits end. A peppy Julius and a smart Ace where to much for her to handle. But wait for what happens next.

"Im here whats the problem?"

A tall and mysterious man appeared out of no place in front of the distressed women. He wore a copy of the original 70's batman costume.

"Blood, why are you wearing a batman costume?"

"Blood? Yes I have that in my body, but what can I help you with?"

"This just really proves your gay, only gay guys wear tights."

Once again a person came, but instead of appearing out of no where he just walked thru a magical door that appeared out of no where.

"Hey Alice, my kitty sense where tingling, whats the matter?"

"Oh thank god, for you Boris! Finally some one who's more reasonable."

"Wut?"

"nothing, I need help though, I think I killed Julius and Ace's brain cells."

"Oh...how?"

"I made them drink this juice I made?"

"Whats 'jewish?"

"It's a drink I made, it has ruined there minds."

"What about that guy over there?"

over in a corner was the 'batman' curled up in a ball talking to a rubber ducky.

"Never mind Blood, he's just plain retarded. But how do we fix those two?"

The tapped his hand against his chin and tapped his foot.

"We could...bash there hands together?"

"meh, any thing sounds good."

Boris grabbed Ace and Alice grabbed Julius and on the count of three they slammed there heads together. All that happened though was a concussion, bruises and Blood.

"That plan sucked."

"yes, yes it did."

"I think next time Boris, we try one of my plans."

"Do you have one?"

"Uh...no."

"I have a palm"

Alice sighed and rubbed her temples.

"No Blood, a plan. jeez"

"yes a palm. we could make them eat garlic!"

A pregnant pause took over. Boris sweat drooped Alice toppled over, Julius song a song about rainbows, and Ace just stood around...staring at things...

"Blood, listen to me."

Alice kneeld down to Blood talking to him in a voice that people would use on a puppy.

"Garlic only works on vampires. OK, not retards."

"Oh...can you tell me a story now?"

XXX

Like I said, it's nothing but crack, and it more than likely sucks. But hey at least I tried. Lemme know what you think of it, and if you have any ideas or suggestions. See ya!


End file.
